Copyright 2000  Richard Joseph Krejcir                       

Part I: the ultimate "destroyer!”  

Listening to all criticism, Having the Nose for the News:

"Gossip Mongers!"  This was the phrase I heard by a close friend who grew up in the church but now won't go, because of all the gossip. The definition here is a person who loves to listen in to the tantalizing details of other people's lives, which they do not need to hear, nor should they hear.  This person is in love of what is insatiable news of other people’s problems.  That is they love the dirt and the scoop, and not only do they love to hear it, but they'll repeat it and repeat it and repeat it.  What separates these people from the gossips is that they do not start the gossip, they only listen to it or repeat it.  They feel they are above the gossips because they do not dare make up something about someone, but they will quickly believe it when someone else tells them, and thus spread it around the world. 

These people give credence to every rumor story or criticism that springs out around them.  It does not make a difference if it's true or not true because the trust relationship is automatically develop between listener and the hearer.  The hearer of the gossip automatically trusts that the person saying it is right because they are their friends, or they don't care if it's true because they feel no responsibility of its truthfulness, since they did not start it in the first place.  But in God eyes, it's all the same if you started it or if you spread it, the sin is the same, the damage is the same, the result is the same.  The result is someone being hurt and/or driven away because of untrue slander. 

The definition of gossip is simple, “Rumor or talk of a personal or sensational nature, Someone who habitually spreads sensational or intimate facts” (Webster’s Dictionary)  

We Christians seem to have the problem of getting stuck in our own little world.  We seem to get stuck in our own mindset, where we evaluate all of our experiences including meeting people, relating to other people, and even worshiping God to our own very limited experience and way of thinking. 

When we engage in this behavior we severely limit our ability to be used to bring out the gifts that Christ gave us, and let the Word of God transform us. Because we keep comparing everything to our own way of thinking and our experiences, and if something doesn't match with it, we then throw it out. And the even bigger danger is when we are young we think we know everything with out any or few experiences!

Now most Christians would never admit to doing this, because most of them do not realize they're doing it, but the result of these actions is that we do not grow spiritually or in maturity. If you are not sure you have this problem, then ask yourself this question: 

Q: Do you compare your experiences to God’s Word, or do you compare God’s Word to your experiences?  

The question is designed to focus our attention on God’s Word as absolute and authoritative. That is the Bible is the final authority to all matters of faith and practice. 

So if you have an experience, then we are to test it according to God’s Word, and not the opposite. The opposite would be to put the focus on our experience as being normal. Thus all of our encounters in life are compared to our views and experience, and only then compared secondary to God’s Word. And if God’s Word is not in compliance with our experiences; then, we reject the scripture and not our experience. That is why we have so much false teaching in the church and media today. People have the natural ability due to our fallen nature, to promote our experiences over anything else, and excuse and reject what does not match, even over God’s Word.  

So what does this have to do with gossip? A lot. It has to do with all interpretations and the experiences of the Christian life and walk. And gossip has become a regular practice in the Christian life, both in young people as well as with the elderly. No one is immune to sin! When we run across the Christian who honestly believes that gossip is OK and even beneficial, we can know why they came to that conclusion, when God’s Word is clear and imperative on the wrongs of gossip. 

Most Christian young people have not to let Christ transform them beyond the first stage of salvation (That is identifying our faith as what we know and grow up with and not being personal and trusting it with all of our being.); especially in their way of thinking and mindset.  This places a limit on how and what Christ is able to accomplish in our lives.  The result of this behavior is that gossip becomes a normal practice.  So most Christians listening to or spreading the news are not aware that it is wrong, because their experience, friends, and minds tells them it's OK.  It's OK because others are doing, it's OK because I get away with it, and it's OK because I never heard a correction from reliable sources.  

We human beings love to hunger for the news, yet neither local newspapers, nor do our church newsletters really cover this riveting beat of human conflicts, joys, sorrows, and flaws. Just try doing a internet search on gossip and see what you get, or check out all the gossip newspapers at the supermarket, or all the shows on cable and day time TV.

A good reporter checks facts and verifies the choice of words, gossip has no dedication or commitment to truth or good taste. It thrives on the juicy tidbits of rumors, false reports, tattle tales, and special privileged information, especially in the personal nature.     

Gossip tantalizes our fallen and sinful nature. We love to listen to it: 

"The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." (Proverbs 18:8, NIV).  

You may not think so but, true or false, gossip affects us deeply. 

Can gossip be avoided? Hardly at all, it is inevitable. The gossip network in your church, or school, or work, or even home, often provides a convenient way to understand what is happening around us. We discuss with each other the newest scuttlebutt, trying to piece together some kind of truth from the rumors and events of the day.

 Yet this gossip network works like a computer network, all tied in and sharing an invading destructive virus. Because gossip is rarely truthful, or is ever beneficial. And it becomes progressively distorted as it passes from one tongue to another. We all played the "Telephone Game" where a message is whispered at the front of the line bears little similarity to the version at the end of the line. Further, gossip always one-sided. It tries a case on the basis of the prosecution's evidence alone, and never listens to the defense.

Then, gossip gets out of control. Like a driving your car recklessly and losing control on a small piece of ice, there is no way to put the car back together before you get home, so your parents won't find out. The damage cannot be undone.  

Proverbs tells us that “A scoffer who is rebuked will only hate you; the wise, when rebuked, will love you.” (Proverbs 9:8)  

What this verse is in effect saying is when the person hears correct teaching and does not like it or does not like the person who gave it to them, then they will throw it out as worthless.  Because you don't have to listen to someone you do not like.  And this is a big part of the problem of false teachings. 

Make no mistake, gossip will destroy with a greater impact and power, than possibly any other event a youth group or church could ever face! 

A few years ago those of us in Southern California were being ravaged by forest fires. It looked as if the entire San Gabriel mountain range was ablaze. I remember it well as it’s burned into my memory! I also remember how one of those huge fires started, a homeless man was trying to warm himself with matches, and it got away from him. All the streets were blocked for miles, and I had no way to get home, as I watched in wonder at the roadblock to my house. You see the tongue of ours is such a fire starter. All that it takes to burn a forest down is a spark; all it takes to destroy a youth group or church is our mouths running amuck. Satan himself can not do a better job, than our own misdirected words! 

The Telltale Tongue Discussion! 

Check out what the Bible says about gossip!!!! 

Read each verse, then draw a picture that illustrates the type of "Tongue", as you discuss this in your group, use paper or a story or illustration, be creative and challenge yourself.  

$                   Psalm 5:9

$                   Psalm 12:3

$                   Psalm 52:2

$                   Psalm 109:2

$                   Psalm 120:2

$                   Proverbs 17:4

$                   Proverbs 25:23

$                   Jeremiah 9:8

$                   James 3:6 

1.      What have you experienced in terms of gossip, have there been rumors about you, or have you spread rumors about others?

2.      Why does the Bible use so many passages to deal with our "Tongue"?

3.    How can you control your tongue?

Read Psalm 141:3, Proverbs 10:19 and James 1:26                     

4.  4.     How do these passages help?

     5.      What does God want us to do with our tongue?

     6.   So what are you going to do about God's call? 

6.      Have you let Christ transform you so that your faith is yours and personal, and not just because this is all you know, you may go to a Christian school, are involved in church and have believing parents, but what about you? 

Part II: "The Three Breeds of Gossip"  

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.  Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue’ without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” (Proverbs 17:27-28; 26:20 NIV)  

The Bible is directing us to restrain our speech and a wise person controls their tongue, that is what we say and how we say it. The Bible goes on to say that people that spread the gossip have malicious intentions as much as the people who start the gossip in the first place. That this malice leads to destruction of property and persons, just as bad as a fire, would destroy a home or even a church.  

The important lesson we must learn is the church is not a building, but the people of God who just use the building to meet in. Too many churches think the building is the most important thing of God, and miss the point of what it is for and of it’s use.  

When our focus is to get mean with each other and find fault with each other, all we accomplish is the shooting of ourselves. As Christians we all are partakers and participants of the body of Christ, so we're just shooting parts of our own body.  What they're doing is taking something Holy of God, such as using prayer to spread gossip, thus we turn prayer into slander and misinformation for very un-holy agenda.  This belittlement, embarrassment, hatefulness, harassment, vexation, obnoxiousness, offensiveness, un-inviting, annoying, burdensome, upsetting, tormenting, and just plain nasty behavior that does not belong in the body of Christ, and certainly does nothing to further the Kingdom of God. 

Gossip has three breeds to it, or three different levels. Separating these three levels can be as hard as separating the chocolate chips out of the cookie. It is extremely hard to do with out disturbing the cookie! So it is with our mislaid words.  

First: Is the "chit chat" we all do. "Did you hear that the Chaedwicks are moving" or "Steve 's parents gave him a new car for ground hog day". This is basic information without harmful intent, which we must be careful what we say and how we say it! 

Second: Gets stickier; "Did you hear that Debby's parents are fighting again" or "Have you heard that Kevin is in a real bad mood, so just ignore him". This may not be mean or vindictive, but this tells a story of someone's character that may not be true. And we will base our judgments on false and misleading information.  

Third: Is slander! Maliciously telling or repeating a tale that may or not be true, to tear someone down. "Do not go near Patty, she is weird and nobody likes her" or "The new kid is only here because he got kicked out of Redwood and his parents have lots of money". This third level of gossip destroys people's reputations and betrays secrets that are not meant for our ears. This level prevents friendships and takes potential good relations and destroys them, doing exactly what Satan wants!  

This third level is slander, and God hates it!!! Webster's Dictionary tells us slander is, "the utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage reputations. This may be viewed, as ordinary conversations during lunch, but make no mistake; slander seeks to distort and to destroy! It tears down the people of God, where our call is to build them up!

Part III: "The Disease of Diotrephes"

III John tells us:

 "vs. 9  I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us.

vs. 10  So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.

vs. 11  Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.

vs. 12  Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone‑‑and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true." 

Diotrephes had a reign of tyranny through gossip and slander in the name of Christ. John makes a strong and decisive stand against gossip. John is representing not only his apostleship, but mainly the authoritative presence of Christ. The presence of Christ is a stern warning, and in a loving encouragement for us, that we must replace the temptation of spreading gossip and replace it with the love of Christ.  

We get 6 negative and destructive themes from this passage that should act like a brick wall to our slanderous marks: 

(Bold are your discussion questions; Each group is to take 2 themes, keep track of the questions you did not cover, so you can come back too at a later date.)  

1. "Who loves to be first": Christ first loves us, He goes first. Why do people want to be first? Because we want to be a god to ourselves, and God of the universe keeps getting in the way. Yet He loves us first. 

Questions:  

1.      Check out  Philippians 2:3-5 How can we develop this attitude in Philippians?

2.      Read Mark 9:33-35 What Does it mean for us to be a slave in order to have a place of honor?

3.      How does this desire show itself in you and others?

4.      Why do you think people want to be first?

5.      Should Christians have this me first attitude?

So instead of trying to be first we should place Christ first, and then gossip will fall aside.  

2. "He would have nothing to do with us": The "us" is the people of faith in Christ. Have you ever experienced someone having nothing to do with you? Did this experience happen when you did something right and your friends were upset, perhaps because they feel betrayed? Maybe they wanted to go out drinking and you were the only one with a car and you turned them down. Perhaps a friend wanted to do something stupid and you tried to talk them out of it, and they got mad at you. Maybe it was you who tried to pressure a friend to do something wrong and they got mad at you!

Diotrephes rejected the truth of an Apostle.  

6.      How do we reject the truth of our Lord and Savior?

7.      What is your attitude to those in leadership?

8.      Check out Hebrews 13:7,17; Why would a leader be unable to help you if you do not respect them? 

9.      So how can you be more supportive to the leaders God brings you?

10. As a young person do you find it hard to respect those who are older, why or why not?

3. "to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously": Have you known people either young or old who just love to gossip? People who have the nose for the news of others, but with a perverted intent. That is they do not want the news to help and encourage them, but desire the news to put them down. How does this make you feel; perhaps you are hurt by it, or you get excited about it. But how does your Lord feel about it, and how does He feel about your response toward gossip?

What would our youth group be like if everyone was encouraging to everyone else, regardless of what may have gone on before. Regardless if we like them or not, because we are responding to Christ's love. Remember God loves us first. So if God first loves us and we do not deserve it, should we not do the same to each other?

11. What happens to a group when gossip becomes a habit?

12. Have you ever started gossip or spread it?

13. What would happen to your group?

14. What does God have to say about gossip? Check out James 3:1-12 & Ephesians 4:25-29. What do you think of these passages?

15. So how can you stop gossip?

16. How can you practice helpful and encouraging speech?  

4. "He refuses to welcome the brothers": Do you know people who just are not hospitable, that is they are mean and/or ignore new people. These people have bad attitudes and they do not like certain people, so they decided to be mean. How does this make you feel? Have you ever experienced such treatment? Have you witnessed it happening in school or in youth group. Maybe you are the one who is mean to others, maybe you do not even know you are doing it, if so what can you do about it?

17. Does this happen in your group?

18. Can you think of a specific instance with out using peoples names?

19. Do you know people who refuse to go to your youth group because someone has gossiped? 

20. Check out Romans 16:17-18 & Titus 3:9-11. Can you think of times when it may be necessary to dis-fellowship someone?

21.  Why is our relationship to each other so important? What can we do to improve our relations to each other and make others feel welcomed?

5. "He also stops those who want to do so": Can you imagine that someone in the name of Christ is stopping other Christians from following Christ's character! Do you or do you know others who stop people from doing the right thing? How do they keep others from doing what is right?

22. What keeps you from doing the right thing? Check out James 4:17

23. So how can you develop the maturity to do what is right and be an example to others?

24. How can you be an encourager instead of a gossiper?

6. "And puts them out of the church": Diotrephes was on the war path, he actually got rid of people who were faithful to Christ, because they got in his way. In my experience there is nothing a child of the Devil hates more than a child of God. If you are a faithful Christian you can expect people coming against you, even other Christians. But God is on the side of the faithful and true and not on the side of those who cause division and destruction. So take comfort in His grace, for He will be with you and they will get what is coming in the end.

25. Can you think of times when the leadership of the church should invoke discipline, that is asking not to take part in communion  or asking someone to leave?

26. How does discipline help people to grow?

27. How can our youth group practice discipline?  Check out I Corinthians 5:1-5 & Matthew 18:15-17.

28. So are you ever a Diotrephes? Are there Diotrephes in our group?

29. So what can we do, how can we be encouragers and attractive to visitors? 

Part IV: "The beast of Destruction"!!

Bullies in the playground tend to have a poor self image, and  usually poor upbringing, and parents who don't have time or do not care. Or the parents themselves create the environment of hostility in the first place, if you do not believe this just go to a Little League baseball game and watch how some of the parents behave in the crowd. These behaviors may include such actions as egging the youth to get into fights because they themselves grew up that way, or demanding that their youth must perform better than everyone else’s youth. So the bully will get their tensions out in different ways, as an escape mechanism.  And one of the ways the bully will substitute care and attention is by picking on other people; this makes them feel good about themselves.  By picking on other people it creates an environment where they're not the ones being picked on which gives them comfort and security.  

           For the Christian who are living contrary to the will of God, especially in matters of morality and values, the best way to cover them up is to attack others who have those values, in that way they can rationalize that they're doing the right thing which gives them comfort and security.  We Christians need to be aware of this behavior, so we can correct these behaviors before they blow up and cause mass destruction, by spreading and effecting the body of Christ.  That's why it is so imperative that a youth group and church have a caring and loving attitude, it must be bold, so when such cancerous outbreaks occur they can be easily spotted. Just as a forest fire cannot easily spread when the ground is wet, however, a fire will spread rapidly when there is a dry environment.  When a youth group or church is wet with love and caring attitudes and healthily biblical teaching, the fires of these diseases cannot spread because there's no fuel to spread them.

Then we can concentrate on caring for that individual.  Because the person who usually causes the attack needs ministering in a big way even though they may not want it or feel that they need it. They’re hurting too just like a wounded dog.  I'm not saying some Christians are dogs, this is just an illustration. 

When I was a boy my grandparents had a poodle named Cindy, this was one of the most affectionate and sweetest dogs I've ever met.  I was very rough on that dog I would climb on Cindy and hang on her ears and she dragged me around.  That dog Cindy would put up with me and love me no matter what I did, and I probably hurt her many times.  One day my grandfather was backing out of the driveway and he accidentally ran over the dog, and she was injured.  So I ran to her side to pick h